Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The here and now is why.


Someday I'll finally end my loneliness, find true love, and get around to watching all the movies in my DVD collection. For some, tomorrow never comes, and that's a truly sad fact of life. Those empty hours that I have spent worrying about my life, and what will become of me, wasted. I'll never get back all that precious time. It's, as gone as, the tears and laughter of all those yesterdays. You can't live a truly fulfilling life, by existing vicariously through old memories of days gone by. Today's the thing. The here and now is why.








If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...











(My Amazon wish list link:) https://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/39PFM6JGESY9O/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_ip_wl_o_04CNybVS208H9


Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...


Friday, February 24, 2017

Loneliness, my oldest friend.


Sometimes I don't think I convey in my writings how isolated I am from the world. For instance, in my average seven day week, I spend less than five hours outdoors. Most of that time is spent taking my son to school, as well as, picking him up. That's like 3% of my average week spent outside my apartment. Once I step outside my apartment door, my only thoughts are, "I just want to go home." To be honest, I didn't realize it was that bad, until I sat down and thought about it for awhile. To me, at least, that much isolation from the world isn't a good thing. I don't know how I can change this particular fact? Not having family or friends, other than the companionship with my son gives me little opportunity to expand my horizons. Making friends has never been easy for me. I always think in theory, having a friend is a great idea! However, I'm afraid to let someone down. My illness (Paranoid Schizophrenia) is a harsh mistress. I can't be certain how I'll be feeling on any given day, so having to explain to a friend that I'm not feeling well is a difficult process. It isn't easy to tell someone that my mind is all over the place, without sounding like a flake. I wish I had a friend. When I'm alone at night, I turn off all the lights in my apartment, except for the one in my hallway. I lay down on my couch and stare into the dark. I think about life and how painful it feels to be alone. I also miss my son and his boyish laughter, that constantly fills my entire apartment when I'm able to have him over. Loneliness, my oldest friend.







If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...










(My Amazon wish list link:) https://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/39PFM6JGESY9O/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_ip_wl_o_04CNybVS208H9


Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...





Thursday, February 16, 2017

Today was a bloody mess, but I know God is still in control.



Today was a bloody mess, literally. Well, it wasn't as bad as it looks, but it did bleed a lot. The thing is, it should have never happened and it's kind of upsetting. Yesterday I received my new car tags in the mail. I was happy because I was able to save up the money over a couple of months, in order to get them. My car is over twenty years old, so the cost of my tags is about ninety dollars a year. This year I didn't need to get a smog check and saved a bunch of money. The unfortunate thing is that because I live in such a shady apartment, I have to keep an eye on my car tags. Last year, someone attempted to tamper with them.


I wasn't surprised because my car has been broken into a few times already. I read somewhere that it's a good idea to use a razor and cut lines up and down on the new car tag. This is supposed to make taking the tag off a lot more difficult. However, I didn't have a razor, so I broke a disposable razor into pieces. I took one of the tiny blades and cut my new tag up and down once I stuck it on my driver's license plate. Unfortunately, I wasn't care enough and cut my finger in multiple spots. I bleed all over the place and had a really hard time stopping the bleeding. On top of that, I was running late and had to go pick up my son from school. I was so stressed out! I hate living in the apartment complex I live in currently. There are some really bad people just hanging out in the parking lot everyday. I'm sure they are responsible for my car getting burglarized, but I really can't do anything about it. My car battery has been stolen twice since I lived here. They somehow pried open my car's hood and just took my battery. Even when I bought a bicycle lock, someone cut the wire and stole my battery.

I could live with the fact that they stole my battery, even though I had to ask my ex girlfriend to help me buy another one. The thing that upset me the most was the time around Christmas, someone somehow broke into my car and stole my son's car seat. I mean, who would do such a thing? Not only did they steal his car seat, they stole the portable CD player that had children's songs in it. My car's radio doesn't work, so I used that CD player, in order to play music that would help my son's speech. I can't say that I enjoyed the songs, but I know he needs help because I have him enrolled in speech therapy at his school. I remember explaining to him that morning that someone took it, and I was sorry. He was so disappointed. I can forgive people who steal from me, but I can't forget how they hurt my son in the process.


For the past month or so, I've been forced to bring in my car battery every night. I figure it's the only way I can keep it from being stolen again. I have to carry it inside my apartment in a torn up Target store bag. I do this for I can hide it from the people in the parking lot, as well as my neighbors. Then I have to put it back inside my car every morning before I take my son to school. It's just a tedious process, but I'm out of ideas. I know a car battery shouldn't be taken out and then back in everyday because the car's alternator keeps the battery charged, but again, I'm out of ideas. At least I was able to stop the leak from my transmission, for now. My car isn't running good and it's going to die sooner or later, but I need a car. A car lets me keep my relationship with my son. I don't know how I would go on, if I didn't have him in my life. Honestly, if there's anyone in The Sacramento County area that has an extra car that they don't need. Please contact me: Arichere@yahoo.com  It can't be an expensive car because I have to able to afford the insurance.



My day wasn't all bad. My son and I watched a tiny squirrel play on a tree. The adorable rodent just stayed, as it looked at me and my son, for what seemed like five minutes. God is great, and he's in control.









If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...








Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...




Wednesday, February 15, 2017

A trip to the recycling center, with my car loaded with cans and plastic bottles.



Today I woke up early, in order to go to another trip the the recycling center. I really don't look forward to going because there are sometimes a lot of drug addicts that hang out near bye. I do my best to keep to myself and I don't talk to anyone, except the guy who works there. I don't particularly enjoy collecting cans and plastic bottles, but I can't turn my head away from the thirty dollars I might make. I have a bad habit of putting all my cans and bottles against my kitchen wall, in a bunch of plastics bags, large and small. I wish I had a better place to store them, but if I kept them outside on my balcony, they would surely be stolen. I mean, my car's battery has been stolen twice and my son's car seat taken, so I'm sure if I put my recycling outside on my balcony, it would be last time I saw them. The lines are sometimes very long at the recycling center, and it's a get there first kind of place, but some people cheat. They jump out of their cars and place a bag of cans in the line, while they have so much more in their automobile. Then they take their sweet time, while I have to wait. I stand in line and watch the people around me. I can tell some are drug addicts, while others are clearly mentally ill. I sometimes wonder if the mentally ill ones can notice if I'm a little like them? The truth is, my behavior is probably just as strange as what I think others portray. I made about thirty-five dollars, and all that money is going toward the food I'm going to buy at the grocery store. It isn't a lot, but I'm still grateful.





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...











Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

I had a wonderful birthday with my son.



Last Saturday was my birthday and I was fortunate enough to spend the entire day with my son. Unfortunately, because my car isn't working well, we spent the whole day inside my apartment. To be truthful, my son and I spend most of our days together locked inside our apartment. I don't really have faith in my slowly dying car and worry it might break down, if I took my son to the movies or a park. I'm not going to lie and say that we never go anywhere, but it isn't often and it's always a very short trip, just in case. He arrived Saturday morning at my door, along with his mother. We now share custody 50/50, so I get to see my son more than ever. My son gave me a big hug and handed me a card, as well as, a small box. He wanted me to look at the card immediately! He's so proud that his writing is getting so much better. Inside the card, he wrote "Happy Birthday and that he loved me." Then he quickly told me to open the little box that came with the birthday card he gave me. I told him to wait a minute. Still, he was really excited. It turned out my son's birthday present to me was a small LEGO racing car. I spent an hour trying to put the car together...lol  My son's birthday card, as well as, the LEGO race car turned out to be the best present I could have hoped for. Later, we shared a small cake, while he sang his heart out! My son has an adorable singing voice. It was a wonderful birthday!










If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...










Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Happy birthday to me.



I woke up early today. I had trouble sleeping last night mainly because of stress. My son has been battling a cold and running nose for about a week now. He's finally getting a little better, so I'm very thankful. The main reason I got up early this morning was to go to the grocery store and purchase one of the mini cakes they sell. It's my birthday, so I wanted to buy one for tonight. I love when my son sings happy birthday to me. He's such an adorable kid and I love him so much. I have my son for the entire weekend, so I have to a lot of energy because even those he's still sick, he has so much energy. I play action figures with him, build forts, and video games non stop. I know I shouldn't be such a push over, but right he's all I have in this world. In other much depressing news, my car's transmission continues to leak. I'm guessing it isn't from the pan. I'm pretty sure the location of the leak is from a seal, which means a great deal of money for a repair. The repair would cost more than the cars worth, so I don't know? I have to keep an eye on the transmission fluid level. I wish I had a better car, but I don't see that happening in the near future. When I was out and about this morning, I noticed an old man walking his little dog. The dog was so small and kept acting like it was going to attack me. The entire experience made me smile. Happy birthday to me.






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...













Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

Friday, February 10, 2017

Tomorrow is my birthday, so I can dream.




Well, tomorrow is my birthday. Another year of barely surviving, yet I've come to the realization that maybe this is my lot in life. I do have dreams and my ambition to turn my life around hasn't completely gone away. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to last another year? My relationship with my son is everything to me, but if I can't afford to live on my own, I could lose to most important person in my life. I have to get back in shape mentally and psychically, but it's so difficult with my illness (Paranoid Schizophrenia). Deep down, I know I can't beat this and maybe I can return to college and get a job that will keep me out of poverty. However, I know I need help and for everything to align the right way, in order for me to succeed. My car is currently leaking a great deal of transmission fluid. If I lose my car, I might lose my visits with my son. The amount of stress from this alone has me struggling with my anxiety. Stress is a killer for me because it brings on the bad symptoms of my illness. I know that there are a lot of people who have it worse than me, and I'm grateful for what little I have. I don't mind eating food I buy from The Dollar Tree and not having bought any pants, shorts, or shoes in over seven years. It's my son that I think about and I can't tell you how many nights I cry because I can't give my son everything he deserves. I feel selfish for doing this, but I made a list of items (A Wish List) on Amazon. It's my hope that someone or a few people have it in their means to help me out. More than anything, I wish I was able to afford a mattress because the inflatable bed my son and I share is losing air and I have to pump air into the valve several times a night. The other items on the Wish List are just dream items, but it doesn't hurt to list, well... just my pride. If you can help in anyway, I would really appreciate it and I would never bother you, I promise. I've had links to a PayPal account and a Gofundme listing for quite a long time. The main reason I put it on my page is I know my car will die soon. I need a used car soooo bad, but I have so little money. I feel ashamed to write about this, but tomorrow is my birthday, so I can dream.





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...








Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...