Wednesday, November 15, 2017

A life affirming trip to my local Subway.


Today started like any other day. I woke up and sat up in bed, while I watched television. Sadly, it's how I spend most of my Wednesdays. I'm not complaining. I'm use to it by now, but I do want to make a positive change. So, on that note, I went to the local Subway and bought myself a turkey sandwich. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was a major accomplishment for myself. The whole process of getting ready to go outside is a difficult one, at least for me. Washing up, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed can be overwhelming. Also, depending on my mood, it often becomes a major chore to venture outside for the day. This morning I stepped outside and walked around the property that I live on. I noticed the birds, cows, and the horse next door. I embraced the whole scene. I was feeling alive again. After a few minutes of strolling, I got into my car and drove to Subway, in order to buy some lunch. The little interactions I get from the employees at the restaurant mean so much to me! To them, I'm sure I'm just another customer. I felt a sense of pride that I was able to accomplish something today. After arriving home, and finishing my sandwich, I felt a tinge of guilt. The reasoning behind the guilt was the fact that I spent money on myself. I don't have a lot of money to begin with, and I often wished I saved the money spent. I rather spend money on my son, to be honest. I know I have to treat myself sometimes, and this guilty feeling will subside. Who knew the simple act of going to Subway could mean so much?


If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

I haven't updated this blog in quite awhile.




It's true, I haven't updated this blog in awhile. There are a number of factors as to why I've neglected this mental health journal. Firstly, I felt as though I was being negatively impacted by writing on this blog. It almost felt as though I was just rehashing the same problems over and over, with little solutions. Secondly, my internet and computer access has been very limited. The new place I call home doesn't have the best WiFi. The computer I use has already crashed with the blue screen of death multiple times, so I'm sure I need a new computer. You can't imagine how much time I spend trying to make a simple update. My computer sometimes takes a whole five minutes to load another screen. The time it takes to make a simple update is maddening sometimes. Lastly, I've been stuck in a rut of total complacency. I keep doing the same thing each day expecting some kind of change in my life's circumstances.

 This blog was never meant to be anything other than a way to share my life's experiences. Write as clearly as I could what it was like living with Paranoid Schizophrenia. It was never meant to be a recovery experience because I just wasn't ready for it, and I definitely wasn't in a good place when I started this blog. For the past few months I've made baby steps toward my ultimate goal of obtaining a part time job, after being unemployed for over a decade. My monthly federal disability check isn't enough to live on. It seems like after the first few weeks within a month, I'm broke. Since I have my son half the time, I'm just sinking in debt. After I pay my rent and monthly car payment I'm lucky to have a couple of hundred dollars for the rest of the month. Food, gas, and the everyday cost of living is becoming such a burden. A few weeks back I visited my states occupational job office, in order to get help obtaining a part time job. However, it may take a long time before I hear from them. I've also applied online for several near bye jobs, but I haven't heard from any of them, as of yet. It's my feeling that when I fill out a job application and I'm honest about my mental health, as well as being out of work for so long, I'm probably not looked as a good candidate for any job opening. Still, I'm not giving up and I'm going to get a part time job sooner, rather than later.


The past few weeks I've been waking up early in the morning. I've been taking two to four mile walks everyday because I want to get in better shape. For the last few years I've been satisfied with sleeping my day away, when given the opportunity. Now, I'm attempting to get my life together. Of course, I know it won't be an easy road. I've attempted to change my life in the past, but gave up a number of times because life just became too much to handle. I need to move forward and stop myself from looking back to the circumstances that lead me to this place in my life. Words alone won't get this done. I need to be a man of action!


Lastly, as I stated a few times in the past. My initial reason for starting this blog was to share my story. It was also my way of asking for help. I don't have any family, and few friends. I'm not in a position financially to accomplish some of my goals. I hate asking for help from strangers because it makes me feel really bad. However, I'm not just responsible for my own well being. I have a son, who I love to death, and he is my world! I want to change my life for the better because I want to make my son proud. Still, for now I need help, and if you can please consider contributing to my GoFundMe account or Paypal.  

 




If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...


Tuesday, October 17, 2017

#Metoo or Hashtag Me too.



Lately, the hashtag #Metoo has been trending on the Internet. The first time I saw it, I knew it had to be associated with sexual harassment or sexual assault. Especially since the news broke about how Harvey Weinstein, celebrated film producer, was accused of multiple sexual harassment and assaults. I feel so badly for any women who has to endure sexual advances in the workplace, or any place for that matter. It seems like this Wienstein was a man of great power, who was also enabled by the silence of others. Certainly, the news about his alleged assaults was no surprise for many who knew for years about his gross behavior. Yet, for all those years, he got away with it. The silence of those who knew of his behavior is still deafening. Yes, I'm happy that many actresses are coming out with their stories of harassment and assault, but it took only a few brave women like, Rose McGowan and Asia Argento to finally speak out against this once powerful man. I don't blame the many women he took advantage of, for remaining silent. However, I do have a very low opinion for the many who knew of his actions, and yet kept silent for all these years. Sometimes ones silence can be looked at, as a form of complicity.


The fact that this is making news all over the world is a positive step in the right direction. We, as a society, should bring down all these sexual monsters, as well as their enablers! Many women suffer alone when it comes to sexual harassment and assault. It isn't easy to speak up, especially if you don't have the same platform as a famous actress. It also should be added that the #Metoo campaign isn't limited to women. We shouldn't forget all the men, women, and children that are all victims of sexual harassment/assault. We need to hear their voices, as well. Being a victim of sexual assault myself, I once had a choice to remain silent or speak up. I'm proud that I spoke up, but at the same time I'm sadden by the fact that I lost almost my entire family because I didn't want to remain silent. The old saying, "nothing worth doing, comes easily," rings truer than ever.

Below is a link to a video I made about my sexual assault. I hope it inspires more people to come forward and not to remain silent. Although, I understand if some people remain silent because it isn't easy speaking up. If you feel inclined, please share my video. I can't say that I'm completely over what happened to me, but I'm becoming stronger everyday.








If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






It's been awhile.




It's been awhile since I've updated this blog. A number of factors came into play. The first, I moved around June this year and I didn't have very good Internet for a few months. Secondly, I was extremely depressed about having to move to a neighboring city because of the distance it would be from my son. Lastly, even though my Internet has improved very much, I still have to spend a great deal of time updating this blog because the current laptop I'm using freezes, runs slowly, and turns off unexpectedly.


The good news is that I was able to obtain a loan for a use car. I'm so happy to have transportation, in order to have weekly visits with my son. There was a time when I was unable to see my son for a few weeks, and I felt so heartbroken over it. I could see in his little five year old face that he understood, but the sadness in his eyes hurt so much. The car I obtained is hardly a dependable car, but I'm grateful to have it. The small loan I took out, in order to purchase the vehicle has left me almost at my wits end! My disability income is hardly sufficient to pay bills and other necessities, much less a car loan. I've even started to make a monthly visit to the local food bank, in order to make it through the month. Still, I can't dismiss the fact that I was able to obtain a vehicle, find a new place to live, and spend more quality time with my son.

(Side note.) You can' imagine how many times I've attempted to update this page. This laptop is literally fighting me all the way.









If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...

Friday, May 26, 2017

Please help me raise money for a new used car by donating to my GoFundMe account. (I'm trying to survive alone with mental illness)




I started this GoFundMe account nearly two years ago because I knew it was only a matter of time before my car would break down for good. I did my best taking care of it, and using it sparingly because I knew I would be in big trouble if I didn't have a car. My vehicle was my lifeline to having a relationship with my son. I was able to take him and pick him up from school a few times a week. Because I have no family or friends, my relationship with my son was everything to me. Before you say, "Can't you get a job?" Well, I've been disabled for quite a while and collect disability from the government. I make very little money and after I pay my rent/bills I'm practically broke. Although my income is very little, I can only qualify for $22 a month in food stamps. I live on the edge and fear becoming homeless in the future. I wouldn't be asking for help, if I wasn't desperate. My car finally died for the last time two weeks ago. I can't tell you how much I miss seeing my son. Before you say, "Can't you walk or take a bus?" Well, I live in a rural area and the closes bus stop is near 7 miles away. The roads around me are two lane highways with no shoulders, so I can't walk or ride a bike unless I want to take my life in my own hands. My ex has been nice enough to bring my son for a couple hours a few times, but because she lives a half an hour away, she doesn't want to bring him to me. Please, if you can help just a little I would be forever grateful. Even if you could share my GoFundMe campaign on your social media sites, it would be such a blessing. Look, I know that I'm blessed to have a roof over my head and even though I suffer from mental illness, it could be worse. However, I'm alone in this world and have nowhere to turn. Thank you for taking the time to read. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk

Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com


My dead car...







If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...




Wednesday, May 24, 2017

I need a lifesaver.

Nothing has changed since I last updated this blog. I'm still without a car and I'm not able to see my son as much. However, I was lucky to spend time with my son this past Sunday. I heard his mom's car pull up and walked outside my room to see my son running up the stairs yelling, "Da, I missed you!" I got choked up and when he reached the top of the stairs, I gave him the biggest hug. We spent the day playing games and watching television together. He cuddled up against me while we were watching cartoons and asked, "When will you be getting another car?" I didn't know what to tell him, so I said, "Hopefully soon." I get real emotional when I think about not being able to see my son as much. Later that night, his mother picked him up. While they drove away, he kept yelling out the window, "I love you and miss you Da!" After hearing that, I walked up to my room and cried uncontrollable tears. This isn't fair. I know that life isn't fair and I have to get use to the idea that things won't change anytime soon. However, I pray every night and hope for the best.



Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!


My dead car...







If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...



Tuesday, May 23, 2017

I'm missing my son so much! Please help me...someone...anyone?

                                    
I'm missing my son so much! Not having a car, since my car broke down has been the nightmare I thought it would be. Not only can't I see my son regularly, but I also have to beg for rides to the store. It would be a lot easier if I didn't live in such a remote area because I'd probably walk the seven miles I had to, in order to get to the closes bus stop. Unfortunately, I'd probably end up dead because none of the two lane highways have sidewalks, much less a decent couple of inches to walk on. I moved hear last month because I wanted to get away from the violence and ugliness that is South Sacramento, California. Save money and eventually replace my car with another and much better running used car, however, it only took a month for my automobile to finally die. Now I up the creek, without a paddle. I've seen my son only a couple of times in the last few weeks and hit hurts so badly! I had him over the other day and his mother told me that his promotion from kindergarten is next month. She explained that she can't make it, but her father will take video for the both of us. Ugh! How can I not be there? My biggest fears are slowly coming true. My depression makes me want to sleep the day away. I want to stop hurting like this, but I don't know what to do? Please someone help me! I know there are so many people out there that could change my circumstances with little effort. Sure, I know that many people are in worse situations than myself. Please help them before you help me, but if anyone is out there. Maybe a bunch of people can just give a little? I know it's asking for a lot. I know maybe I'm not deserving of help, but I have no family because of what they did to me. I have no friends because my illness keeps me isolated from the world. Obtaining another used car would change my life and put me back on track. I want to get off disability and try getting a part time job. I want to beat my illness and have a better life, but I can't do it without any help. Please be that help that I so desperately need. Links below, thank you.



Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!


My dead car...





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...