Monday, April 13, 2015

About my conversations with, "God."

As part as my illness, many days can go bye without venturing outside, even to get my mail. It really sneaks up on me because I don't even notice that hours have turned into days. There are many reasons why staying locked inside my apartment can't be very good for me and I'm sure many would agree. It makes me very apprehensive about stepping outside because there's a fear that engulfs me. I can't explain what exactly I'm afraid of because it isn't easy to describe. I have to psych myself out with a lot of self talk. I tell myself, "You need to do this" over and over. I have a conversation with "God" and explain that I need his help and hope that I'm not alone when I step outside my apartment. My conversation with "God" is always one-sided, of course, but I can venture a guess at what a "Supreme Beings" reply might be to my numerous questions. I know you might be thinking to yourself, "Does he really think that God is having a conversation with him?" Well, I have a lot of faith and even though it isn't popular to believe in "God" these days and despite my long fight with my illness, I believe in, "The God of Abraham." That being said, the moment I step outside after being locked up for days, I can almost feel the atmosphere hit my face and run up and down my hands and arms. It's almost like I'm on an alien planet and I'm not used to Earth's gravity or the heat emitting from the giant Sun that lights up my surroundings. Then I hear people talking and yelling in the distance. When my ears hear the voices from the people outside, I start to get this overwhelming feeling that I'm missing out on living the life I've always wanted. Being able to interact with people I don't know very well is next to impossible. I can't make eye contact and I increase the pace of my stride, yet I still envy what it would be like to be surrounded with people that enjoyed my company, as much as I enjoyed theirs. I make a beeline for my beat up car and hope it starts. I slowly drive away and into city traffic. My destination isn't certain all the time but I'm proud that I've made it this far.

Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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