Thursday, April 9, 2015

How I came to live in Sacramento, California.

I was born and raised in Southern California but for the last four years I've lived in Sacramento, California. I'm not here by accident and every time I relive the story behind my journey up North, I wonder if I could have imagined what my life would be like in such a short period of time. The story all began when I met a girl online and began chatting with her for a period of several months. We would talk on the phone all every night and text each other all the time. Finally, we decided she should come visit me and see if what we had on the phone and online would translate to a meaningful relationship in real life. She boarded a bus and made the long eight hour journey to Southern California. I picked her up at a bus terminal and the minute I saw her in person, I felt an instant attraction. She stayed for about a half a week and we spent the time getting to know each other and enjoying the sites that only Southern California has to offer. Yes, we were intimate and it probably wasn't for the best but I really thought we had the makings of a lasting relationship. A few weeks later I got a call from her and she said that she had something important to tell me. She explained that she was pregnant and I was going to be a daddy. To be honest, I didn't think I was the one that got her pregnant but the idea of having a child made me feel all warm inside. Only a week later after visiting a doctor, she called me in tears and explained that she was three months pregnant and there was no way I could be the biological father. I was crushed but I didn't want to abandon her, so I told her that I would move to Sacramento to be with her and we would raise the child as our own. The biological father was from a one night stand she had and she explained that he had joined The United States Army and was completely out of the picture. I didn't really think how or if the biological father would find out, or if we should ever tell him. I didn't think a child should be robbed of knowing who their true father was, so we informed him a few months after the birth that he was now a father. Still, in my eyes, I was going to be a father to a little boy. A small child that was born exactly two months premature but in relatively good health. He spent an entire month in the hospital and my now serious girlfriend, along with myself visited him everyday. I held my little boy in my arms while he struggled to breathe and I loved him unconditionally. I gave our little boy a name and we took him to our new home that we would now share. Our relationship had its ups and downs but we managed to get along for the sake of our child. Although my girlfriend was younger than me and it seemed after a few years together that she still wanted to sow her oats. I caught her a few times talking to guys online and on her phone but forgave her because I loved her and I wanted our relationship to work. However, she continued to talk to other guys and I caught her several times. I was hurt but I understood that if our relationship fell apart, there were no guarantees that I would be able to have a relationship with my son. During the four years we were together we let the biological father see his child about once a year. He seemed happy with being free from the responsibility of raising a child with a girl he had no real feeling for whatsoever. Unfortunately, after numerous times catching my girlfriend talking to other guys and her promising to stop, she said that she didn't want to her me anymore and left me, with our son in tow. I was and still am devastated because I was the primary caregiver for our son. I'm on disability and my girlfriend was attending college full time, so he was very attached to me. I think his love for him was something that made her jealous and hurt. She didn't understand why our son loved me so much and would rather be with me. Only now, I'm not with my son anymore and I'm alone in a city I'm still not all too familiar with to say the least. Everyday that passes and I'm unable to be with my son breaks my heart. I'm now allowed to see him about once a week but that hardly seems fair but I really have no recourse. I have no rights to my little boy and its a hurt that I can't even describe in words. Every time I have to return my son to his mother, he cries and begs to stay with me. He says, "I love you da" "I love you da" over and over. He thinks I don't love him anymore. This takes place on a regular basis now and I break down in tears every time. I tell my son, "I love you" "I love you so very much" but he still begs me to not go home without him. Making things worse is the fact that I currently drive a car that isn't in the best condition. I scrimp and save to keep the pile of junk on the road because if I can't, I won't be able to spend time with my son anymore. This is the reason and the bottom of every blog entry I put a message for financial help in purchasing a more reliable used car. Of course, I can't put all my hopes into thinking that someone out there is going to help me and I do feel terrible asking for help but I love my son and I don't know what else to do. So, that's the brief synopsis of my journey to Sacramento and why I can't leave because my son means the world to me.

Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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