Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Somewhere beyond the peephole.

It's hard to explain what scares me and the fears that I might have when it comes to venturing outside my apartment. First, I have to make sure that I'm wearing my sun glasses. I wear them because I don't like making eye contact with anyone I don't know. Another reason I put them on is I'm afraid if someone looked into my eyes, they'd figure out something was wrong with me. Honestly, I'm not certain how I come across to stranger, or even the checker at my local grocery store for that matter. Do they know I suffer from some sort of mental illness? Are they able to see right through my facade of feigning some kind of normalcy? I can't be sure what they think but I try my best to manage a smile when dealing with people I have to come across in my daily life. I once lived in an apartment where the landlady was on to me. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was moving out and I dropped by the leasing office to say goodbye to the older woman that rented out my apartment. For some reason I felt this sudden rush of confidence and said, "I don't know if you were aware but I suffer from mental illness." She looked at me and said with a smile, "Eric, I know." I think there are just some people who have this built in empathy and can read people very easily. I find that it's very easy for me to spot someone who may be struggling with mental illness because I'm sensitive to the way they carry themselves. I'm able to see a little of me, as I look at the faces of people struggling with similar challenges as I am. Some days are easier than others and I try to challenge myself to get outside and not stay indoors the majority of my waking hours. Still, a lot of times I feel like everyone I see or that walks near by me has their eyes on me. I try to shake the feeling but that's part of my paranoia and I have to fight the urge to flee. Everyday is a struggle I try my best because I want a life worth living. A life that includes friends and some sort of purpose. I have to go beyond looking through my peephole and live a better life.

Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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