Tuesday, June 23, 2015

My two cents on why it might be difficult for someone to be comfortable helping me.



Looking back to the start or origin of this blog, It was created for a very selfish reason. I thought the only way I could get help from my current situation was to put it out there on the Internet and share my story. Sure I wanted to give some insights on my diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenia but more than anything I needed and I still very much need financial help from anyone who is in a position to help me monetarily. At first, I felt extremely guilty for creating this blog in hopes of someone sending a little cash my way but that faded quickly because I had nowhere to turn. I no longer have contact with any of my family members and for good reason, plus I have zero friends to speak of. I created a GoFundMe account and listed a PayPal email address on every entry of this blog but after five months, I haven't received a penny. I'm aware that there are a lot of people more deserving of help, so I don't feel too bad. I understand that having a car that breaks down and soon will be ready for the salvage yards isn't the worse situation. I understand that having a car that runs is the only way I'll be able to continue to have a relationship with my son but that still isn't extreme poverty. I understand that even though I barely can afford the apartment I live in, I still am lucky to have a roof over my head. Still, I wish there was someone out there who could help me, just once. I know it's a lot to ask but I'm desperate. I'll even put my mailing address out there Eric Smith, 4907 Mack Road #139, Sacramento, CA 95823. I'm afraid to put my mailing address out there because I'm scared I'll get an unwelcome visitor. Unfortunately, I'm in no position to worry if some crazed individual will show up at my door. Look, part of me understands why if someone is reading this blog and feels for my situation but is afraid to help me because I suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia. I can see where it would be scary for someone that doesn't know me and thinks that if they help me, I'll keep coming after them for help or even bother them continuously. I understand because I live in a somewhat bad neighborhood and when I go to the local supermarket I get approached by homeless me asking for money. I sometimes give them some change but they also can make me feel uncomfortable, as well. I guess that I'll just have to have some faith and keep pressing on. I'll continue to share my life and battle with Paranoid Schizophrenia as long as I can. I'll pray everyday that somehow my life will change for the better. God is good...






Click here to visit my YouTube channel...





Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...








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Monday, June 22, 2015

Paranoid Schizophrenic blackouts = Missing time.




The other night I was feeling really depressed and extremely worried. The stress that I live with everyday seems to be catching up to me and I'm pretty sure I blacked out last night. I couldn't sleep and I've been worrying so much about where I'm going to live and if my car is going to breakdown soon, so I normally just toss and turn while I lay down on my living room couch at night. At some point I just sat up and started watching television but my mind couldn't relax, so I got dressed up in my sweat pants and walked outside my apartment. The fact that it was around 3AM didn't concern me or really register with me in anyway. I walked across the parking lot and decided to get my mail. I remember I received a few letters and some junk mail but nothing important. I then walked toward the front of my apartment complex and just stood on the sidewalk while looked up and down the street I live on. An occasional car passed but other than that, I was alone. I remember thinking that maybe I should walk to the hospital that's a few blocks from where I live. I wasn't sure what I'd do when I got there but my plan was to walk to the hospital and maybe sit in the waiting area. I thought if I did this I wouldn't feel so alone. Unfortunately, the next thing I remember was waking up on my couch because there was a knock on my door. I glanced at the clock in the living room and noticed it was already 4PM. When I opened my front door there was a man with a handful of mail explaining to me that he found the letters on the floor on the parking lot. I thanked him for his kindness and he stood and stared at me for a moment. He then said with a concerned look, "You okay?" I looked him in the eyes and for a brief moment I wanted to tell him how worried and stressed out I was but instead I said, "I'm good and thank you." The man smiled and walked away. I don't remember everything that happened last night but evidently the stress is causing me to blackout. Blacking out is nothing new to me and there have been times in the past where my Paranoid Schizophrenia has caused me to blackout for months at a time. I'm just hoping that this was just the end and not the beginning of something much worse.








Click here to visit my YouTube channel...





Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...






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Friday, June 12, 2015

Please excuse my absence.




It's been awhile since I've updated my blog and there's a very good reason for my absence. I've been terribly depressed and I've been taking extra doses of Seroquel in order to sleep away my days. I know that isn't the wisest thing to do and I'm trying so hard not to be stressed out. The stress and anxiety have taken a lot out of me. The main reason for all of my current troubles is the fact that I need to find a new place to live. The current rent at the apartment I reside at has increased substantially and since my girlfriend left me, I'm having trouble coming up with the funds. Unfortunately, to add to my stress and anxiety, I'm being turned down at most apartments that are leasing because I have an eviction on my record. The eviction stemmed from me being very gullible and cosigning a lease with my younger sister. My sister had two kids then and now she has four but doesn't have custody of any of them. The reason, and I wasn't aware of this fact, that she lost custody of her children is that she is a meth head. As soon as I found out that she had a drug problem I went to the manager of the apartment and told her that I wanted to move out. I didn't think it would be a problem since it was a month to month lease but I was wrong. The manager told me that I had to bring my sister, along with myself, to her office and formally give our thirty day notice. My sister found out that I was trying to move and stopped speaking to me and she wouldn't accompany me to the leasing office, so we were evicted. I know that sounds wrong but that's what happened. Now that eviction tarnishes my efforts to move to a cheaper place. I've been paying thirty five dollars here and there to potential apartment rentals in order to get a credit check and they keep denying me because of the eviction. I'm so screwed and I have nowhere to turn. I pray to God and ask that he watch over me and guide me to a new place to live but it has been so hard. Sometimes I'm worried and wonder what will happen to me, so I cry and can't stop being upset. So, I take extra Seroquel and just sleep through the day because I'm almost giving up on finding a new home for me and my son. Please, someone help me.



Click here to visit my YouTube channel...





Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...




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