Thursday, July 30, 2015

I can't escape it.






I woke up early this morning because I had to go to the local laundry mat in order to wash my clothes. I'm so bad when it comes to keeping up with my laundry. I put it off for so long and I almost run out of things to wear. I get up really early because I don't want to have to interact with anyone and the earlier I go, the more likely I won't have any company. The doors at the laundry mat electronically unlock at 6AM and I'm there just a few minutes beforehand. I wish I could say that doing my laundry takes my mind off the problems I'm having in my life but it really doesn't. There's a constant vocal track running in my mind that goes on and on, as I wait for my clothes to wash and dry. I keep telling myself, "What if my car breaks down?" "I'll be in so much trouble if I didn't have a car." There's no much gloom and doom running in my head and it is non stop. I have so much anxiety about my car. My car is over twenty years old and on its last legs. I have no money to speak of, so I constantly worry what might happen if my car breaks down. I sometimes imagine a life where I had friends and family. People I could count on if I got in some financial trouble. I don't remember having someone I could call or talk to about my problems. I haven't had a close or even semi close friend in ages and I wish that wasn't true. I want someone to worry about me or show some concern about my well being but I have nobody. There are times I try to connect with people but I just lack the ability or social components to keep people in my life. My Paranoid Schizophrenia keeps my brain filled with worry and with a sense of dread that I can't describe in a way that would justify its all consuming effect on my day to day life. I live in a reality of fear and I'm unable to escape, even with my current medication. So in other words, it was just a typical laundry day.








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Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...







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Tuesday, July 21, 2015

There's no place like home?





Well, I'm now at my new home and it's pretty much what I expected it to be, as far as the neighborhood and people but at least I'm blessed to have a home. I just have to get used to the unsupervised kids who make this rundown apartment complex a personal playground. I'm not against children playing, even in an apartment building but the kids that live here swear constantly and run up and down the stairs for hours at a time. Even when it's 3AM, I hear from the ceiling above the kids that live upstairs run back and forth non stop. My main concern is having my son overhear the constant swearing from the children that live here. I want my son to grow up the right way and I want him to know right from wrong. I can only do my best and pray to God that I somehow find a way out of here but that will be very difficult. I've been on disability for years because of my Paranoid Schizophrenia and I haven't worked in a long time. I really don't know if I'd be able to handle the stress of having a job but I really want to try. My fear is that I find work and it goes well for a few months but then I get too sick to continue. I don't want to lose my health insurance or my disability income. I know that Social Security lets you work and still continue with their monthly check, even if you work but it does stop after I believe nine months. I'm so scared that I'll do well and then I'll get so sick and lose both a new job and my Social Security. I don't have any family that I talk to anymore and there's a good reason why they are no longer in my life, so that leaves me standing alone. There isn't a day that goes bye that I don't have stress and anxiety about being so cutoff and alone in my life. It makes me depressed and I have this sense of doom. I fight these feelings everyday and I pray to God things will change in my life but it's difficult to believe. I'm sitting here holding back tears, in my new home, trying to remain positive.








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Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...







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Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Sleep the day away.






Lately I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of loneliness and it has kept me sleeping most of my days away. I don't think I would have gone outside this past week if it wasn't necessary for me to do so. Unfortunately, I have to move out of my apartment by the end of the week because the rent is just too high where I currently live. After looking for the past two months for a new apartment, I was able to find one that would accept me. I've been having trouble finding a new apartment because I simply don't make enough money but the killer on most of my applications for a new home is the fact that I have an eviction on my record. You see, back in 2010 I moved into an apartment with my younger sister and her two young children. I thought it would be perfect for me but the sad fact was that it was doomed from the start. I had no idea that younger sister was a Meth Head and hooked on meth but I found out the truth quickly. She acted bizarre and a whole lot of strange things happened in the first month. I went to the rental office and told the landlady that I wanted out of my month to month lease but she informed me that I needed to have my sister come down and sign off the lease also. She informed me that I wasn't able to put 30 day notice without my sister doing it also. I was left with no choice but to leave the premises and move in with a family member temporarily. I found out months later that my younger sister didn't leave the apartment we shared for months and she had to be evicted. So, now I have an eviction on my record for the next 7 to 10 years and there's nothing I can do about it. The ending balance on the apartment is over four thousand dollars and I've never had that kind of money in my entire life. Truthfully, even if I paid the amount, the eviction would remain on my record. The new apartment I found isn't the greatest but it wasn't like I had a choice. It's run down and in a very bad neighborhood. I noticed a lot of people loitering around the building when I went to look at the apartment. I never really thought I would be put in such a position but the truth surrounds me. I think that's why I'm so depressed. In the next few days I'll have to snap out of it for a little while because I have to move by Saturday. God, I believe in you with all my heart, so please hear my prayers.







Click here to visit my YouTube channel...





Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...









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