Thursday, July 30, 2015

I can't escape it.

I woke up early this morning because I had to go to the local laundry mat in order to wash my clothes. I'm so bad when it comes to keeping up with my laundry. I put it off for so long and I almost run out of things to wear. I get up really early because I don't want to have to interact with anyone and the earlier I go, the more likely I won't have any company. The doors at the laundry mat electronically unlock at 6AM and I'm there just a few minutes beforehand. I wish I could say that doing my laundry takes my mind off the problems I'm having in my life but it really doesn't. There's a constant vocal track running in my mind that goes on and on, as I wait for my clothes to wash and dry. I keep telling myself, "What if my car breaks down?" "I'll be in so much trouble if I didn't have a car." There's no much gloom and doom running in my head and it is non stop. I have so much anxiety about my car. My car is over twenty years old and on its last legs. I have no money to speak of, so I constantly worry what might happen if my car breaks down. I sometimes imagine a life where I had friends and family. People I could count on if I got in some financial trouble. I don't remember having someone I could call or talk to about my problems. I haven't had a close or even semi close friend in ages and I wish that wasn't true. I want someone to worry about me or show some concern about my well being but I have nobody. There are times I try to connect with people but I just lack the ability or social components to keep people in my life. My Paranoid Schizophrenia keeps my brain filled with worry and with a sense of dread that I can't describe in a way that would justify its all consuming effect on my day to day life. I live in a reality of fear and I'm unable to escape, even with my current medication. So in other words, it was just a typical laundry day.

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Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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