Thursday, July 30, 2015

I can't escape it.






I woke up early this morning because I had to go to the local laundry mat in order to wash my clothes. I'm so bad when it comes to keeping up with my laundry. I put it off for so long and I almost run out of things to wear. I get up really early because I don't want to have to interact with anyone and the earlier I go, the more likely I won't have any company. The doors at the laundry mat electronically unlock at 6AM and I'm there just a few minutes beforehand. I wish I could say that doing my laundry takes my mind off the problems I'm having in my life but it really doesn't. There's a constant vocal track running in my mind that goes on and on, as I wait for my clothes to wash and dry. I keep telling myself, "What if my car breaks down?" "I'll be in so much trouble if I didn't have a car." There's no much gloom and doom running in my head and it is non stop. I have so much anxiety about my car. My car is over twenty years old and on its last legs. I have no money to speak of, so I constantly worry what might happen if my car breaks down. I sometimes imagine a life where I had friends and family. People I could count on if I got in some financial trouble. I don't remember having someone I could call or talk to about my problems. I haven't had a close or even semi close friend in ages and I wish that wasn't true. I want someone to worry about me or show some concern about my well being but I have nobody. There are times I try to connect with people but I just lack the ability or social components to keep people in my life. My Paranoid Schizophrenia keeps my brain filled with worry and with a sense of dread that I can't describe in a way that would justify its all consuming effect on my day to day life. I live in a reality of fear and I'm unable to escape, even with my current medication. So in other words, it was just a typical laundry day.








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Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...







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