Wednesday, August 5, 2015

It all seems a little too much at times.

So, for the last few months I've been making a concerted effort to do something with my life. It hasn't been easy because I simply don't know what the right course of action I should take. I've been on Social Security Disability for quite a long time because of my diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. I haven't worked in such a long time and I'm really not sure I'm capable of handling the day to day pressures of a full time job. Seeking employment is a crap shoot because I can't fail. If I somehow get a job and maintain my employment but then get too sick to work any longer, I'll won't have my disability income and health insurance provided by Social Security to fall back on. I know that Social Security gives you nine months of returning to work but can I really do that? I have no family or friends to fall back on and ask for help, if I fail. The last four years I've stayed at home and watched my son grow up into a little man but since my girlfriend left me, that role has seriously diminished. I miss the fact that I no longer have a girlfriend but more than that, I miss having my son around. Sure, I get to see my son 2-3 days a week but it isn't the same. I feel like a failure and an absent father. It feels almost like I let my son down but my girlfriend leaving me was something completely out of my control. However, now I've been trying to motivate myself to return to school and further my education. I've filled out so many forms and turned in so much paperwork in order to make the dream of returning to school a reality. I'm hoping that I can get financial aid because I'm in no position to pay out of pocket the expenses that come along with returning to school. I have no idea what the outcome of my financial aid for school will be and it is a little disconcerting because I am pretty much broke. My attempts to save money to purchase a better used car hasn't been going so well and that has caused me a great deal of stress. I simply don't know what the right thing to do is and I have nobody to give me their much needed advice. I want to be the man who fell so far, only to pick himself back up and make his dreams come true. Little do people understand what Paranoid Schizophrenia adds to the burden of having to rise above it all. This disease has continually sabotaged my every move but I won't let it defeat me; not just yet.

Click here to visit my YouTube channel...

Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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