Monday, September 21, 2015

All my friends are in my head.

Some people live their lives joyfully but pretty much my entire life takes place inside my head. There's constant self talk taking place and I'm often left thinking of the worse possible outcomes on a continuous loop. It's exhausting, as well as, depressing and it leaves me in a constant state of anxiety. I can't possibly put in words what it is like to live this way but I suppose you can imagine what it's like. When I was younger, I thought everyone had to deal with life this way and I didn't think I was different in any particular way but I've learned that isn't true. I don't wear a cast on my arm or use a wheel chair to get around, so when people look at me, they don't believe anything is wrong with me. I'm sure they think I'm just a drain on the system and should be put away some where or they think nothing is wrong with me and I should just snap out of it. Do you think I want to live this way? I woke up in the middle of the night and felt so alone that I began to cry. I looked at my phone and wished there was someone I could call but there wasn't. I started to pace and run my hands constantly through my hair. My anxiety was on full effect and I had nowhere to turn. I use to have suicidal thoughts and even attempted to kill myself with pills and booze in the past but I don't have it in me to do that, as far as I know. I wish for death sometimes but not at my own hands. Sometimes I wish I would die in my sleep or have something kill me health wise because I often feel overwhelmed and so very alone. My faith in God and the possibility of going to hell keeps me from taking my life but that doesn't stop this hurt. This isn't the life I imagined when I was younger and I always thought I would beat this somehow but I'm so lost. So very lost and alone.

Click here to visit my YouTube channel...

Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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