Wednesday, September 30, 2015

My big fat "Leave me alone" blanket.

Sometimes, while I  sit on my couch and look around my small apartment, I think, "Is this it?" I suppose everybody has dreams. Dreams that they secretly hope one day will come true but when does that window close? When do you have to accept your lot in life? I keep thinking about my future and how I can possibly make it better but my thoughts continue to bring me down. I use to think that everyone had an inner voice that occasionally was audible, especially when nobody was around. A voice that always spoke of the worse possible outcomes. This voice in my head continues to tell me that nothing is going to change and things will only get worse. It often leaves me feeling drained of any enthusiasm and the feeling of wanting to give up. My return to college hasn't been very successful. I thought it was possible I could make friends but I don't know how to do it and if I did, I'm not sure I would be a good friend to have. It isn't that I come across as negative because I really think I hide it from the world. I feign happiness and do my best to seem like any normal person but I'm not sure if that's even working. Then, on the rare chance I meet someone that wants to get to know me, I drop the ball and come across as if I don't want to get to know them or that I have no time for them. This couldn't be further from the truth but I think the fact that I haven't had a friend in so many years, I embrace my isolation. As much as being alone hurts me emotionally, I've grown to accept it and wrapped myself in a big "Leave me alone" blanket.

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Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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