Thursday, December 31, 2015

Christmas will never be the same.

Celebrating Christmas isn't the same when you have no family or friends around. It slowly but surely becomes just another day in your life. A day where you are constantly reminded by the media, just how alone you truly are. I had Christmas decorations boxed up in my closet but I couldn't bring myself to bring them out. Then for a brief moment in time, I put away all my selfishness and realized I had to celebrate Christmas, for my son. I would only have my son for a few hours on Christmas Eve but I had to get into the Christmas spirit for him. My son was going to have memories of me and I want them to be happy ones. I took out the fake plastic Christmas tree and adorned it with lights and ornaments. I wrapped up the few presents I was able to save up and buy for him. I wrote in big letters on 8 1/2 x 11 single sheet paper, "Merry Christmas Aiden!" I wanted it to be as special as I could make it for my four year old son. When his mom dropped him off at my door, he looked all around the living room and saw the Christmas decorations. He smiled from ear to ear and jumped into my arms and said, "I love you Da!" Moments like that are why I try my best to keep going, in spite of my Paranoid Schizophrenia. I want my son to have cherished memories of me, no matter how brief. His mother picked him up a few hours later and my son gave me a kiss good bye. I then sat on my couch and cried like a baby for about an hour. Christmas will never be the same.

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My dying car...

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