Tuesday, December 15, 2015

The holiday season = Depression and more Schizophrenia related symptoms.

The holiday season is difficult and my depression gets the best of me. Depression and Schizophrenia doesn't mix well because my depression triggers a lot of my symptoms. I have a lot more audible hallucinations and my only drive is to sleep the day away. Finding the balance of medication, in order to sleep and to be awake when I have to be is very difficult. Seroquel can really kick me in the behind and leave me almost in a coma like state. The Prozac I take often gives me a boost in spirit, but more so energy wise. It's a delicate balance made more difficult when I'm able to have my son visit me. He's only four years old and full of energy. He wants all of my attention and I have to be in the best state of mind to do the job. I love my son so very much and I want to be the best father in the world but I know I can do a lot better. I really can't take the Seroquel when I have him over because I have to be fully awake and able to watch him. The time I have with my son is the best and I wouldn't trade it for the world. He's my everything. However, I go without sleep for long periods of time when I'm able to have him over. The Seroquel I take is the only way I can get a full night sleep that isn't interrupted by audible hallucinations or insomnia. I truly wish there was a balance I could take when it comes to my medication but that doesn't exist for now. It's a real struggle and I can't put in words how hard I try to be the best father I can be. Christmas is for children and I want my son to have joyous memories and not be affected by my illness.

There is still no luck in obtaining enough money for a good used car, in order to keep having my son visit me weekly. I've managed to save a couple hundred dollars but Christmas and car troubles have blown much of that away. Also, I have to purchase one of those newer car seats for my son because he's getting too big for the one I have in my car now. I feel badly when I drive to the store or when I'm taking my son places because my car looks like a piece of junk and makes a lot of noise when it idles. I hope one day I can do all the things I want for my son. I'm trying my best by going to college part time and trying to get back into society. I've been disabled for over a decade and haven't worked for so long but I want my son to be proud of his daddy. I never want him to look at me with those eyes that pity my existence. I've seen my estranged family and forgotten friends give me that look at it's always soul crushing.

Click here to visit my YouTube channel...

Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

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