Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Confusing dreams with reality. (But I'm not a liar)
One of the worse side effect of my illness (Paranoid Schizophrenia) is confusing a dream with reality. Right now, I'm not having any trouble with this, but that can easily change if I'm under stress. With anxiety and stress, my symptoms rear their ugly head with abandon. I do my best to keep myself on a level plain of existence. I try to limit my thoughts and any plans that might have, in order to keep from worrying too much. Unfortunately, this process is a daily battle and I don't always win. For instance, this morning I woke up from a terrible dream. If I explain the dream I had, I'm not sure the impact, using just words, would give it justice. It involved my family, which I have no contact with anymore (For good reason). I was humiliated by my family continually through this nightmare. I woke up in tears, and my first thought was, "I want to die!" As I lye on my couch, I kept replaying the dream in my head. How horrible it was, and how real it felt to me had me feeling beyond despair. I could only imagine if my Paranoid Schizophrenic symptoms were in full effect. This kind of dream would have sent me over the edge. I wish I was able to explain my experience better. The awareness I'd like to bring to my particular illness is something I live for, and I hope I'm somehow accomplishing this feat.
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My dying car...