Wednesday, November 15, 2017

A life affirming trip to my local Subway.


Today started like any other day. I woke up and sat up in bed, while I watched television. Sadly, it's how I spend most of my Wednesdays. I'm not complaining. I'm use to it by now, but I do want to make a positive change. So, on that note, I went to the local Subway and bought myself a turkey sandwich. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was a major accomplishment for myself. The whole process of getting ready to go outside is a difficult one, at least for me. Washing up, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed can be overwhelming. Also, depending on my mood, it often becomes a major chore to venture outside for the day. This morning I stepped outside and walked around the property that I live on. I noticed the birds, cows, and the horse next door. I embraced the whole scene. I was feeling alive again. After a few minutes of strolling, I got into my car and drove to Subway, in order to buy some lunch. The little interactions I get from the employees at the restaurant mean so much to me! To them, I'm sure I'm just another customer. I felt a sense of pride that I was able to accomplish something today. After arriving home, and finishing my sandwich, I felt a tinge of guilt. The reasoning behind the guilt was the fact that I spent money on myself. I don't have a lot of money to begin with, and I often wished I saved the money spent. I rather spend money on my son, to be honest. I know I have to treat myself sometimes, and this guilty feeling will subside. Who knew the simple act of going to Subway could mean so much?


If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

I haven't updated this blog in quite awhile.




It's true, I haven't updated this blog in awhile. There are a number of factors as to why I've neglected this mental health journal. Firstly, I felt as though I was being negatively impacted by writing on this blog. It almost felt as though I was just rehashing the same problems over and over, with little solutions. Secondly, my internet and computer access has been very limited. The new place I call home doesn't have the best WiFi. The computer I use has already crashed with the blue screen of death multiple times, so I'm sure I need a new computer. You can't imagine how much time I spend trying to make a simple update. My computer sometimes takes a whole five minutes to load another screen. The time it takes to make a simple update is maddening sometimes. Lastly, I've been stuck in a rut of total complacency. I keep doing the same thing each day expecting some kind of change in my life's circumstances.

 This blog was never meant to be anything other than a way to share my life's experiences. Write as clearly as I could what it was like living with Paranoid Schizophrenia. It was never meant to be a recovery experience because I just wasn't ready for it, and I definitely wasn't in a good place when I started this blog. For the past few months I've made baby steps toward my ultimate goal of obtaining a part time job, after being unemployed for over a decade. My monthly federal disability check isn't enough to live on. It seems like after the first few weeks within a month, I'm broke. Since I have my son half the time, I'm just sinking in debt. After I pay my rent and monthly car payment I'm lucky to have a couple of hundred dollars for the rest of the month. Food, gas, and the everyday cost of living is becoming such a burden. A few weeks back I visited my states occupational job office, in order to get help obtaining a part time job. However, it may take a long time before I hear from them. I've also applied online for several near bye jobs, but I haven't heard from any of them, as of yet. It's my feeling that when I fill out a job application and I'm honest about my mental health, as well as being out of work for so long, I'm probably not looked as a good candidate for any job opening. Still, I'm not giving up and I'm going to get a part time job sooner, rather than later.


The past few weeks I've been waking up early in the morning. I've been taking two to four mile walks everyday because I want to get in better shape. For the last few years I've been satisfied with sleeping my day away, when given the opportunity. Now, I'm attempting to get my life together. Of course, I know it won't be an easy road. I've attempted to change my life in the past, but gave up a number of times because life just became too much to handle. I need to move forward and stop myself from looking back to the circumstances that lead me to this place in my life. Words alone won't get this done. I need to be a man of action!


Lastly, as I stated a few times in the past. My initial reason for starting this blog was to share my story. It was also my way of asking for help. I don't have any family, and few friends. I'm not in a position financially to accomplish some of my goals. I hate asking for help from strangers because it makes me feel really bad. However, I'm not just responsible for my own well being. I have a son, who I love to death, and he is my world! I want to change my life for the better because I want to make my son proud. Still, for now I need help, and if you can please consider contributing to my GoFundMe account or Paypal.  

 




If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...


Tuesday, October 17, 2017

#Metoo or Hashtag Me too.



Lately, the hashtag #Metoo has been trending on the Internet. The first time I saw it, I knew it had to be associated with sexual harassment or sexual assault. Especially since the news broke about how Harvey Weinstein, celebrated film producer, was accused of multiple sexual harassment and assaults. I feel so badly for any women who has to endure sexual advances in the workplace, or any place for that matter. It seems like this Wienstein was a man of great power, who was also enabled by the silence of others. Certainly, the news about his alleged assaults was no surprise for many who knew for years about his gross behavior. Yet, for all those years, he got away with it. The silence of those who knew of his behavior is still deafening. Yes, I'm happy that many actresses are coming out with their stories of harassment and assault, but it took only a few brave women like, Rose McGowan and Asia Argento to finally speak out against this once powerful man. I don't blame the many women he took advantage of, for remaining silent. However, I do have a very low opinion for the many who knew of his actions, and yet kept silent for all these years. Sometimes ones silence can be looked at, as a form of complicity.


The fact that this is making news all over the world is a positive step in the right direction. We, as a society, should bring down all these sexual monsters, as well as their enablers! Many women suffer alone when it comes to sexual harassment and assault. It isn't easy to speak up, especially if you don't have the same platform as a famous actress. It also should be added that the #Metoo campaign isn't limited to women. We shouldn't forget all the men, women, and children that are all victims of sexual harassment/assault. We need to hear their voices, as well. Being a victim of sexual assault myself, I once had a choice to remain silent or speak up. I'm proud that I spoke up, but at the same time I'm sadden by the fact that I lost almost my entire family because I didn't want to remain silent. The old saying, "nothing worth doing, comes easily," rings truer than ever.

Below is a link to a video I made about my sexual assault. I hope it inspires more people to come forward and not to remain silent. Although, I understand if some people remain silent because it isn't easy speaking up. If you feel inclined, please share my video. I can't say that I'm completely over what happened to me, but I'm becoming stronger everyday.








If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






It's been awhile.




It's been awhile since I've updated this blog. A number of factors came into play. The first, I moved around June this year and I didn't have very good Internet for a few months. Secondly, I was extremely depressed about having to move to a neighboring city because of the distance it would be from my son. Lastly, even though my Internet has improved very much, I still have to spend a great deal of time updating this blog because the current laptop I'm using freezes, runs slowly, and turns off unexpectedly.


The good news is that I was able to obtain a loan for a use car. I'm so happy to have transportation, in order to have weekly visits with my son. There was a time when I was unable to see my son for a few weeks, and I felt so heartbroken over it. I could see in his little five year old face that he understood, but the sadness in his eyes hurt so much. The car I obtained is hardly a dependable car, but I'm grateful to have it. The small loan I took out, in order to purchase the vehicle has left me almost at my wits end! My disability income is hardly sufficient to pay bills and other necessities, much less a car loan. I've even started to make a monthly visit to the local food bank, in order to make it through the month. Still, I can't dismiss the fact that I was able to obtain a vehicle, find a new place to live, and spend more quality time with my son.

(Side note.) You can' imagine how many times I've attempted to update this page. This laptop is literally fighting me all the way.









If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...

Friday, May 26, 2017

Please help me raise money for a new used car by donating to my GoFundMe account. (I'm trying to survive alone with mental illness)




I started this GoFundMe account nearly two years ago because I knew it was only a matter of time before my car would break down for good. I did my best taking care of it, and using it sparingly because I knew I would be in big trouble if I didn't have a car. My vehicle was my lifeline to having a relationship with my son. I was able to take him and pick him up from school a few times a week. Because I have no family or friends, my relationship with my son was everything to me. Before you say, "Can't you get a job?" Well, I've been disabled for quite a while and collect disability from the government. I make very little money and after I pay my rent/bills I'm practically broke. Although my income is very little, I can only qualify for $22 a month in food stamps. I live on the edge and fear becoming homeless in the future. I wouldn't be asking for help, if I wasn't desperate. My car finally died for the last time two weeks ago. I can't tell you how much I miss seeing my son. Before you say, "Can't you walk or take a bus?" Well, I live in a rural area and the closes bus stop is near 7 miles away. The roads around me are two lane highways with no shoulders, so I can't walk or ride a bike unless I want to take my life in my own hands. My ex has been nice enough to bring my son for a couple hours a few times, but because she lives a half an hour away, she doesn't want to bring him to me. Please, if you can help just a little I would be forever grateful. Even if you could share my GoFundMe campaign on your social media sites, it would be such a blessing. Look, I know that I'm blessed to have a roof over my head and even though I suffer from mental illness, it could be worse. However, I'm alone in this world and have nowhere to turn. Thank you for taking the time to read. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk

Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com


My dead car...







If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...




Wednesday, May 24, 2017

I need a lifesaver.

Nothing has changed since I last updated this blog. I'm still without a car and I'm not able to see my son as much. However, I was lucky to spend time with my son this past Sunday. I heard his mom's car pull up and walked outside my room to see my son running up the stairs yelling, "Da, I missed you!" I got choked up and when he reached the top of the stairs, I gave him the biggest hug. We spent the day playing games and watching television together. He cuddled up against me while we were watching cartoons and asked, "When will you be getting another car?" I didn't know what to tell him, so I said, "Hopefully soon." I get real emotional when I think about not being able to see my son as much. Later that night, his mother picked him up. While they drove away, he kept yelling out the window, "I love you and miss you Da!" After hearing that, I walked up to my room and cried uncontrollable tears. This isn't fair. I know that life isn't fair and I have to get use to the idea that things won't change anytime soon. However, I pray every night and hope for the best.



Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!


My dead car...







If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...



Tuesday, May 23, 2017

I'm missing my son so much! Please help me...someone...anyone?

                                    
I'm missing my son so much! Not having a car, since my car broke down has been the nightmare I thought it would be. Not only can't I see my son regularly, but I also have to beg for rides to the store. It would be a lot easier if I didn't live in such a remote area because I'd probably walk the seven miles I had to, in order to get to the closes bus stop. Unfortunately, I'd probably end up dead because none of the two lane highways have sidewalks, much less a decent couple of inches to walk on. I moved hear last month because I wanted to get away from the violence and ugliness that is South Sacramento, California. Save money and eventually replace my car with another and much better running used car, however, it only took a month for my automobile to finally die. Now I up the creek, without a paddle. I've seen my son only a couple of times in the last few weeks and hit hurts so badly! I had him over the other day and his mother told me that his promotion from kindergarten is next month. She explained that she can't make it, but her father will take video for the both of us. Ugh! How can I not be there? My biggest fears are slowly coming true. My depression makes me want to sleep the day away. I want to stop hurting like this, but I don't know what to do? Please someone help me! I know there are so many people out there that could change my circumstances with little effort. Sure, I know that many people are in worse situations than myself. Please help them before you help me, but if anyone is out there. Maybe a bunch of people can just give a little? I know it's asking for a lot. I know maybe I'm not deserving of help, but I have no family because of what they did to me. I have no friends because my illness keeps me isolated from the world. Obtaining another used car would change my life and put me back on track. I want to get off disability and try getting a part time job. I want to beat my illness and have a better life, but I can't do it without any help. Please be that help that I so desperately need. Links below, thank you.



Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!


My dead car...





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...

Thursday, May 18, 2017

I feel like I've been living in a tomb; buried alive. Also, rest in peace Chris Cornell.



Lately, I feel as though I'm trapped inside a tomb. Buried alive, or already dead. I haven't left my room since Monday night and it's slowly getting to me. All I do is sit or lay down on my bed and watch endless amounts of television. In between, I attempt to take naps because that's the only way I can dull the pain. You might ask what's hurting me so bad? Well, I miss my son and because my car is now broken down for good, I can't pick him up from school and spend quality time with him. I might be able to see him this weekend, but the time is so short and I end up crying every time I see him drive away with his mom. Not having a car has put me into a depression I can't seem to find my way out of, and I'm scared. I'm not suicidal, but I wouldn't care if I died, at least it would stop the pain. I attempted suicide in the past, and it isn't something I'd try again. The reason? As sappy as it sounds, I'm afraid of going to hell and being separated from my son forever. Sadly, the other day I read that Chris Cornell (lead singer of Soundgarden/Audioslave) hung himself in a motel bathroom. I grew up listening to his music and the idea that someone like him succumbed to the curse that is depression, affects me deeply. I also read that he had three children, and I feel for those that he left behind. It's such a sad but familiar story. Imagine having so much, but still thinking that suicide was the answer? I can't judge him and no one should, but it certainly should be a wake up call to those that doubt the consequences of depression. I suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia and one of the ugly side effects is major depression. I have to be strong, but I wish I had help.





Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!


My dead car...




If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

My fear came true.



It's been a difficult week for me. I haven't found the motivation to get up and go outside, so I've spent most of my time in bed. I just sit and watch endless hours of mindless television, in between naps. I knew when my car finally broke down, I'd be in trouble. I've lost my lifeline to having a relationship with my son that kept me involved and a big part of his life. I'm trying my best not to get too depressed, but it's very hard when I don't have any friends or family. The other day I wrote something down, as to why it is so difficult having a friend(See above). I don't think people truly realize how mental illness affects the ability to be social. I think the last time I was able to maintain a real friendship was back in middle school. By the time I was in high school, I was already having symptoms of Paranoid Schizophrenia and started to isolate myself from the world. That isolation continues to this day, except for some brief moments in time when I was able to function in the real world. I hate being alone, but as time goes by, it has become almost too familiar. My social growth is so stunted. I often forget how to maintain a conversation, so I just end up coming across as someone who's not interested in getting to know anyone. When the truth is, I need a friend. My fear is that I will end up locked away in my room, apart from my son, and dying a little inside everyday. It looks like my fear came true.


Also, I would update more but for the last two years my computer has been dying a slow death.





Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!


My dead car...








If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Missing my little boy.


Today I would normally pick up my son from school and have him until Sunday night, but that won't be the case for a while. Now that my car has finally broken down for good, I'm not sure when I'll get to see my son. My car was my lifeline that gave me the opportunity to have a relationship with my little boy. I knew my car would eventually break down for good, after all, it was over twenty years old and falling apart little by little. Every time I would drive around in my car, I would have so much anxiety because I feared it would break down at any moment. The thought of my car dying on the side of some road, while cars zoomed by, was a prevailing fear of mine. As I drove, I always would self talk and bargain with God, in a vain attempt to keep my car on the road for as long as possible. I would even sing songs under my breathe, in praise of God. I know that may seem silly to some people, but I truly believed it would have some affect on the life of my automobile. Sadly, my worst fears have finally come true. I no longer have a car, so I can't be in my son's life for the time being. I'm on federal disability and I barely survive month to month, so I don't have any money saved up to purchase another used car. Also, because I don't have any family or friends, I don't have anyone to ask for help. I know people wonder how I couldn't possibly have a friend or any family to help me out, but it's the truth. I've written before a few times on this blog, as to why I have no contact with my family anymore. As for friends, my illness makes it very difficult for me to be social. I'm mostly locked inside my apartment all day watching television or sleeping (With the help of medication). Yesterday I wrote, "Please help me" and without sounding anymore pathetic than I already feel, I'll continually ask if there is anyone or any people who can donate to my GoFundMe account or directly to my PayPal email (Arichere@yahoo.com), in order for me to purchase a dependable used car, I would be forever grateful. Also, if there is anyone in the Sacramento, CA area and you have a car that you don't need, maybe you could find it in your heart to donate it to me. Anyhow, I'm sorry for coming across as a person who expects people to help... Especially since there are people who are worse off than myself. I just need help and don't have anywhere to turn.




Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!


My dead car...





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...






Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Please help me...



It's been awhile since I last updated this blog. A lot has happened in the last few months. Some of the events have been good, while others have been quite bad. Don't get me wrong because I am grateful to have a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator. I now live in a loft above a garage, in a very decent neighborhood compared to where I use to live. There's nothing but farmland surrounding me and two lane roadways are the norm. I was quite fortunate to find this place because the people who own the house are so friendly. The last few months while I had my son over, he was able to go swimming, as well as play with the neighboring farm animals. Seeing my son happy is what I live for, however, the worse possible thing happened a few days ago. My car finally died on the side of a road. According to a mechanic, it isn't worth fixing because the cost would be double what my car is worth. I have to say that the last few days have been horrible for me because I'm unsure on how I'll survive without a car. I mean, I can get rides to the store from the nice people that I live with, but I can no longer pick up and drop my son off at school. My time with my son will be very limited. I've been crying so much lately because this was everything I was afraid of happening. I have about a hundred dollars to my name and I was barely surviving on my disability, so I don't know how I'll ever save up money for another used car. I feel like such a failure in life. How can I be a good father to my son, if I can't be in his life as much? This is terrible and I simply don't know what to do. If you read any part of my blog, you'd understand that I don't have any family or friends in my life that could help me out. I don't have any contact with my family for a very good reason. I'm not going to get into why, except to say that I was sexually assaulted by my step dad, but my family doesn't care and turned their back on me because I'm sure they think that someone with a mental illness isn't a "Real" person in the first place. I'm scared and can't sleep because my anxiety is off the charts. I've started to self medicate, in order to be able to sleep more. I really don't know what's going to happen anymore. I'm not suicidal, but I wouldn't be unwelcome, if death bothered to knock on my door. Like I wrote earlier, it's been a while since I've updated this blog. The Internet seems to be my only hope for someone to help me out financially. I don't enjoy asking for help, even the the homeowners that I live with, have been so kind. They can see that I'm struggling and have offered rides. The wife even said she cosign on a used car for me. I told her that, "You hardly know me." "It wouldn't feel right," I explained. In truth, I worry because what if I default on a loan and ruin someone else's credit. I couldn't do that to someone so nice. So, I'm left with asking for help from anyone who's reading this entry. If you have it in your means and can give, any amount of money would be greatly appreciated. I know that there are far better places to spend your money and people who are in worse positions, but if you can help me... I need someone or some people who have been blessed with material wealth to hear my plea for help. I miss my son so much, even though it's only been about a week since I've seen him. There's a link at the bottom of my page for a GoFundme account, as well as, a Paypal email you can donate to. Again, if you can help, God bless you.






Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...









Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The here and now is why.


Someday I'll finally end my loneliness, find true love, and get around to watching all the movies in my DVD collection. For some, tomorrow never comes, and that's a truly sad fact of life. Those empty hours that I have spent worrying about my life, and what will become of me, wasted. I'll never get back all that precious time. It's, as gone as, the tears and laughter of all those yesterdays. You can't live a truly fulfilling life, by existing vicariously through old memories of days gone by. Today's the thing. The here and now is why.








If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...











(My Amazon wish list link:) https://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/39PFM6JGESY9O/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_ip_wl_o_04CNybVS208H9


Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...


Friday, February 24, 2017

Loneliness, my oldest friend.


Sometimes I don't think I convey in my writings how isolated I am from the world. For instance, in my average seven day week, I spend less than five hours outdoors. Most of that time is spent taking my son to school, as well as, picking him up. That's like 3% of my average week spent outside my apartment. Once I step outside my apartment door, my only thoughts are, "I just want to go home." To be honest, I didn't realize it was that bad, until I sat down and thought about it for awhile. To me, at least, that much isolation from the world isn't a good thing. I don't know how I can change this particular fact? Not having family or friends, other than the companionship with my son gives me little opportunity to expand my horizons. Making friends has never been easy for me. I always think in theory, having a friend is a great idea! However, I'm afraid to let someone down. My illness (Paranoid Schizophrenia) is a harsh mistress. I can't be certain how I'll be feeling on any given day, so having to explain to a friend that I'm not feeling well is a difficult process. It isn't easy to tell someone that my mind is all over the place, without sounding like a flake. I wish I had a friend. When I'm alone at night, I turn off all the lights in my apartment, except for the one in my hallway. I lay down on my couch and stare into the dark. I think about life and how painful it feels to be alone. I also miss my son and his boyish laughter, that constantly fills my entire apartment when I'm able to have him over. Loneliness, my oldest friend.







If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...










(My Amazon wish list link:) https://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/39PFM6JGESY9O/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_ip_wl_o_04CNybVS208H9


Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...





Thursday, February 16, 2017

Today was a bloody mess, but I know God is still in control.



Today was a bloody mess, literally. Well, it wasn't as bad as it looks, but it did bleed a lot. The thing is, it should have never happened and it's kind of upsetting. Yesterday I received my new car tags in the mail. I was happy because I was able to save up the money over a couple of months, in order to get them. My car is over twenty years old, so the cost of my tags is about ninety dollars a year. This year I didn't need to get a smog check and saved a bunch of money. The unfortunate thing is that because I live in such a shady apartment, I have to keep an eye on my car tags. Last year, someone attempted to tamper with them.


I wasn't surprised because my car has been broken into a few times already. I read somewhere that it's a good idea to use a razor and cut lines up and down on the new car tag. This is supposed to make taking the tag off a lot more difficult. However, I didn't have a razor, so I broke a disposable razor into pieces. I took one of the tiny blades and cut my new tag up and down once I stuck it on my driver's license plate. Unfortunately, I wasn't care enough and cut my finger in multiple spots. I bleed all over the place and had a really hard time stopping the bleeding. On top of that, I was running late and had to go pick up my son from school. I was so stressed out! I hate living in the apartment complex I live in currently. There are some really bad people just hanging out in the parking lot everyday. I'm sure they are responsible for my car getting burglarized, but I really can't do anything about it. My car battery has been stolen twice since I lived here. They somehow pried open my car's hood and just took my battery. Even when I bought a bicycle lock, someone cut the wire and stole my battery.

I could live with the fact that they stole my battery, even though I had to ask my ex girlfriend to help me buy another one. The thing that upset me the most was the time around Christmas, someone somehow broke into my car and stole my son's car seat. I mean, who would do such a thing? Not only did they steal his car seat, they stole the portable CD player that had children's songs in it. My car's radio doesn't work, so I used that CD player, in order to play music that would help my son's speech. I can't say that I enjoyed the songs, but I know he needs help because I have him enrolled in speech therapy at his school. I remember explaining to him that morning that someone took it, and I was sorry. He was so disappointed. I can forgive people who steal from me, but I can't forget how they hurt my son in the process.


For the past month or so, I've been forced to bring in my car battery every night. I figure it's the only way I can keep it from being stolen again. I have to carry it inside my apartment in a torn up Target store bag. I do this for I can hide it from the people in the parking lot, as well as my neighbors. Then I have to put it back inside my car every morning before I take my son to school. It's just a tedious process, but I'm out of ideas. I know a car battery shouldn't be taken out and then back in everyday because the car's alternator keeps the battery charged, but again, I'm out of ideas. At least I was able to stop the leak from my transmission, for now. My car isn't running good and it's going to die sooner or later, but I need a car. A car lets me keep my relationship with my son. I don't know how I would go on, if I didn't have him in my life. Honestly, if there's anyone in The Sacramento County area that has an extra car that they don't need. Please contact me: Arichere@yahoo.com  It can't be an expensive car because I have to able to afford the insurance.



My day wasn't all bad. My son and I watched a tiny squirrel play on a tree. The adorable rodent just stayed, as it looked at me and my son, for what seemed like five minutes. God is great, and he's in control.









If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...








Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...




Wednesday, February 15, 2017

A trip to the recycling center, with my car loaded with cans and plastic bottles.



Today I woke up early, in order to go to another trip the the recycling center. I really don't look forward to going because there are sometimes a lot of drug addicts that hang out near bye. I do my best to keep to myself and I don't talk to anyone, except the guy who works there. I don't particularly enjoy collecting cans and plastic bottles, but I can't turn my head away from the thirty dollars I might make. I have a bad habit of putting all my cans and bottles against my kitchen wall, in a bunch of plastics bags, large and small. I wish I had a better place to store them, but if I kept them outside on my balcony, they would surely be stolen. I mean, my car's battery has been stolen twice and my son's car seat taken, so I'm sure if I put my recycling outside on my balcony, it would be last time I saw them. The lines are sometimes very long at the recycling center, and it's a get there first kind of place, but some people cheat. They jump out of their cars and place a bag of cans in the line, while they have so much more in their automobile. Then they take their sweet time, while I have to wait. I stand in line and watch the people around me. I can tell some are drug addicts, while others are clearly mentally ill. I sometimes wonder if the mentally ill ones can notice if I'm a little like them? The truth is, my behavior is probably just as strange as what I think others portray. I made about thirty-five dollars, and all that money is going toward the food I'm going to buy at the grocery store. It isn't a lot, but I'm still grateful.





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...











Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

I had a wonderful birthday with my son.



Last Saturday was my birthday and I was fortunate enough to spend the entire day with my son. Unfortunately, because my car isn't working well, we spent the whole day inside my apartment. To be truthful, my son and I spend most of our days together locked inside our apartment. I don't really have faith in my slowly dying car and worry it might break down, if I took my son to the movies or a park. I'm not going to lie and say that we never go anywhere, but it isn't often and it's always a very short trip, just in case. He arrived Saturday morning at my door, along with his mother. We now share custody 50/50, so I get to see my son more than ever. My son gave me a big hug and handed me a card, as well as, a small box. He wanted me to look at the card immediately! He's so proud that his writing is getting so much better. Inside the card, he wrote "Happy Birthday and that he loved me." Then he quickly told me to open the little box that came with the birthday card he gave me. I told him to wait a minute. Still, he was really excited. It turned out my son's birthday present to me was a small LEGO racing car. I spent an hour trying to put the car together...lol  My son's birthday card, as well as, the LEGO race car turned out to be the best present I could have hoped for. Later, we shared a small cake, while he sang his heart out! My son has an adorable singing voice. It was a wonderful birthday!










If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...










Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Happy birthday to me.



I woke up early today. I had trouble sleeping last night mainly because of stress. My son has been battling a cold and running nose for about a week now. He's finally getting a little better, so I'm very thankful. The main reason I got up early this morning was to go to the grocery store and purchase one of the mini cakes they sell. It's my birthday, so I wanted to buy one for tonight. I love when my son sings happy birthday to me. He's such an adorable kid and I love him so much. I have my son for the entire weekend, so I have to a lot of energy because even those he's still sick, he has so much energy. I play action figures with him, build forts, and video games non stop. I know I shouldn't be such a push over, but right he's all I have in this world. In other much depressing news, my car's transmission continues to leak. I'm guessing it isn't from the pan. I'm pretty sure the location of the leak is from a seal, which means a great deal of money for a repair. The repair would cost more than the cars worth, so I don't know? I have to keep an eye on the transmission fluid level. I wish I had a better car, but I don't see that happening in the near future. When I was out and about this morning, I noticed an old man walking his little dog. The dog was so small and kept acting like it was going to attack me. The entire experience made me smile. Happy birthday to me.






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...













Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

Friday, February 10, 2017

Tomorrow is my birthday, so I can dream.




Well, tomorrow is my birthday. Another year of barely surviving, yet I've come to the realization that maybe this is my lot in life. I do have dreams and my ambition to turn my life around hasn't completely gone away. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to last another year? My relationship with my son is everything to me, but if I can't afford to live on my own, I could lose to most important person in my life. I have to get back in shape mentally and psychically, but it's so difficult with my illness (Paranoid Schizophrenia). Deep down, I know I can't beat this and maybe I can return to college and get a job that will keep me out of poverty. However, I know I need help and for everything to align the right way, in order for me to succeed. My car is currently leaking a great deal of transmission fluid. If I lose my car, I might lose my visits with my son. The amount of stress from this alone has me struggling with my anxiety. Stress is a killer for me because it brings on the bad symptoms of my illness. I know that there are a lot of people who have it worse than me, and I'm grateful for what little I have. I don't mind eating food I buy from The Dollar Tree and not having bought any pants, shorts, or shoes in over seven years. It's my son that I think about and I can't tell you how many nights I cry because I can't give my son everything he deserves. I feel selfish for doing this, but I made a list of items (A Wish List) on Amazon. It's my hope that someone or a few people have it in their means to help me out. More than anything, I wish I was able to afford a mattress because the inflatable bed my son and I share is losing air and I have to pump air into the valve several times a night. The other items on the Wish List are just dream items, but it doesn't hurt to list, well... just my pride. If you can help in anyway, I would really appreciate it and I would never bother you, I promise. I've had links to a PayPal account and a Gofundme listing for quite a long time. The main reason I put it on my page is I know my car will die soon. I need a used car soooo bad, but I have so little money. I feel ashamed to write about this, but tomorrow is my birthday, so I can dream.





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...








Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...

Thursday, February 9, 2017

I don't enjoy being alone, but I don't know how to change this fact.



Well, I went to the laundromat this morning. I've been putting off washing my clothes for a while. I usually wake up around 4:30 in the morning because I want to get there when the place opens up. I'm usually the only person there and I'm always grateful that this is the case. I think my anxiety level would be trough the roof, if there were a lot of people at the laundromat with me. As I watch my clothes dry, I notice that it's still very dark outside. I can only see the occasional car pass bye through the window. Right then and there, I realize how alone I am in this world. I miss not having a friend to talk to, or even a few casual acquaintances. I mean, I have a cell phone (A lifeline cell paid by the government) but I only use it to make doctor appointments and the occasional phone calls from my ex girlfriend. She only calls to discuss our son, so it isn't like it counts as someone I'd call a friend. There are times I wished I had people to call and text because I feel so alone at times. I think about why I don't have friends, and although my illness plays a big part, it isn't the only obstacle. For years I haven't been able to keep a friend because I have this overwhelming feeling that I couldn't be a good friend. It isn't because I'm a bad person. I just think because of my illness, a friend wouldn't truly understand how there are times I couldn't talk or answer their calls. My depression sometimes gets so bad that I just need to sleep and isolate myself. I don't think there are too many people in the world that would understand. Most would assume I'm not worth having as a friend, and they are probably right.


If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...










Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...
                      

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

I don't have big dreams. (Schizophrenic dreams)



 I've always loved snow globes. Since I was a teenager, I collected several but through the years I've lost them all. It is unfortunate that this snow globe is the last of my collection, but it was always my favorite and in this video, I explain why? After all, everyone has a dream.





If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...









Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...
                      

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

I'm alive.



So, it's been awhile since I've last updated my blog. There were times when I felt compelled to update this blog, but for some reason, I didn't. I'm guessing the main reason I neglected this blog was due to a major episode of depression that spanned all of December and the majority of January. Both months I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything. Of course, I couldn't sleep all day and night. I help raise my son, who spends half the time with me. The last few months were really difficult and my depression got the best of me. The day before Christmas, my car was broken into and my car battery was stolen for the second time. They also took my son's child car seat. I couldn't believe someone would do that to me. My car is a piece of junk and yet, it continues to be vandalized. I wanted to lash out at the world and I couldn't understand why bad things had to happen to me, but I worked that out by doing my best to think positive. Life in general is getting tougher. My rent and bills are drowning me and I worry a lot about how I'm going to survive on my own. This constant worrying has done a number on me. I can honestly say that I worry about becoming homeless. Being homeless, a terrible thing, doesn't compare to the thought of not being able to have a relationship with my son. He's the only reason I've made it this far in life. He gives me courage, when I think I should just give up. I love him so much and I tell him every time I see him, "I love you more than anybody."










If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...










Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...