Friday, February 24, 2017

Loneliness, my oldest friend.

Sometimes I don't think I convey in my writings how isolated I am from the world. For instance, in my average seven day week, I spend less than five hours outdoors. Most of that time is spent taking my son to school, as well as, picking him up. That's like 3% of my average week spent outside my apartment. Once I step outside my apartment door, my only thoughts are, "I just want to go home." To be honest, I didn't realize it was that bad, until I sat down and thought about it for awhile. To me, at least, that much isolation from the world isn't a good thing. I don't know how I can change this particular fact? Not having family or friends, other than the companionship with my son gives me little opportunity to expand my horizons. Making friends has never been easy for me. I always think in theory, having a friend is a great idea! However, I'm afraid to let someone down. My illness (Paranoid Schizophrenia) is a harsh mistress. I can't be certain how I'll be feeling on any given day, so having to explain to a friend that I'm not feeling well is a difficult process. It isn't easy to tell someone that my mind is all over the place, without sounding like a flake. I wish I had a friend. When I'm alone at night, I turn off all the lights in my apartment, except for the one in my hallway. I lay down on my couch and stare into the dark. I think about life and how painful it feels to be alone. I also miss my son and his boyish laughter, that constantly fills my entire apartment when I'm able to have him over. Loneliness, my oldest friend.

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Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dying car...