Wednesday, May 17, 2017

My fear came true.

It's been a difficult week for me. I haven't found the motivation to get up and go outside, so I've spent most of my time in bed. I just sit and watch endless hours of mindless television, in between naps. I knew when my car finally broke down, I'd be in trouble. I've lost my lifeline to having a relationship with my son that kept me involved and a big part of his life. I'm trying my best not to get too depressed, but it's very hard when I don't have any friends or family. The other day I wrote something down, as to why it is so difficult having a friend(See above). I don't think people truly realize how mental illness affects the ability to be social. I think the last time I was able to maintain a real friendship was back in middle school. By the time I was in high school, I was already having symptoms of Paranoid Schizophrenia and started to isolate myself from the world. That isolation continues to this day, except for some brief moments in time when I was able to function in the real world. I hate being alone, but as time goes by, it has become almost too familiar. My social growth is so stunted. I often forget how to maintain a conversation, so I just end up coming across as someone who's not interested in getting to know anyone. When the truth is, I need a friend. My fear is that I will end up locked away in my room, apart from my son, and dying a little inside everyday. It looks like my fear came true.

Also, I would update more but for the last two years my computer has been dying a slow death.

Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful.  Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!

My dead car...

If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
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