Thursday, May 18, 2017
I feel like I've been living in a tomb; buried alive. Also, rest in peace Chris Cornell.
Lately, I feel as though I'm trapped inside a tomb. Buried alive, or already dead. I haven't left my room since Monday night and it's slowly getting to me. All I do is sit or lay down on my bed and watch endless amounts of television. In between, I attempt to take naps because that's the only way I can dull the pain. You might ask what's hurting me so bad? Well, I miss my son and because my car is now broken down for good, I can't pick him up from school and spend quality time with him. I might be able to see him this weekend, but the time is so short and I end up crying every time I see him drive away with his mom. Not having a car has put me into a depression I can't seem to find my way out of, and I'm scared. I'm not suicidal, but I wouldn't care if I died, at least it would stop the pain. I attempted suicide in the past, and it isn't something I'd try again. The reason? As sappy as it sounds, I'm afraid of going to hell and being separated from my son forever. Sadly, the other day I read that Chris Cornell (lead singer of Soundgarden/Audioslave) hung himself in a motel bathroom. I grew up listening to his music and the idea that someone like him succumbed to the curse that is depression, affects me deeply. I also read that he had three children, and I feel for those that he left behind. It's such a sad but familiar story. Imagine having so much, but still thinking that suicide was the answer? I can't judge him and no one should, but it certainly should be a wake up call to those that doubt the consequences of depression. I suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia and one of the ugly side effects is major depression. I have to be strong, but I wish I had help.
Please GoFundMe... In Need of Purchasing a Dependable Used Car, so I can visit my son regularly. Any amount would help and I'll be forever grateful. http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email firstname.lastname@example.org Please read my story, as to why I need help. Thank You So Very Much!!!!
My dead car...
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