Wednesday, November 15, 2017

A life affirming trip to my local Subway.


Today started like any other day. I woke up and sat up in bed, while I watched television. Sadly, it's how I spend most of my Wednesdays. I'm not complaining. I'm use to it by now, but I do want to make a positive change. So, on that note, I went to the local Subway and bought myself a turkey sandwich. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was a major accomplishment for myself. The whole process of getting ready to go outside is a difficult one, at least for me. Washing up, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed can be overwhelming. Also, depending on my mood, it often becomes a major chore to venture outside for the day. This morning I stepped outside and walked around the property that I live on. I noticed the birds, cows, and the horse next door. I embraced the whole scene. I was feeling alive again. After a few minutes of strolling, I got into my car and drove to Subway, in order to buy some lunch. The little interactions I get from the employees at the restaurant mean so much to me! To them, I'm sure I'm just another customer. I felt a sense of pride that I was able to accomplish something today. After arriving home, and finishing my sandwich, I felt a tinge of guilt. The reasoning behind the guilt was the fact that I spent money on myself. I don't have a lot of money to begin with, and I often wished I saved the money spent. I rather spend money on my son, to be honest. I know I have to treat myself sometimes, and this guilty feeling will subside. Who knew the simple act of going to Subway could mean so much?


If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

I haven't updated this blog in quite awhile.




It's true, I haven't updated this blog in awhile. There are a number of factors as to why I've neglected this mental health journal. Firstly, I felt as though I was being negatively impacted by writing on this blog. It almost felt as though I was just rehashing the same problems over and over, with little solutions. Secondly, my internet and computer access has been very limited. The new place I call home doesn't have the best WiFi. The computer I use has already crashed with the blue screen of death multiple times, so I'm sure I need a new computer. You can't imagine how much time I spend trying to make a simple update. My computer sometimes takes a whole five minutes to load another screen. The time it takes to make a simple update is maddening sometimes. Lastly, I've been stuck in a rut of total complacency. I keep doing the same thing each day expecting some kind of change in my life's circumstances.

 This blog was never meant to be anything other than a way to share my life's experiences. Write as clearly as I could what it was like living with Paranoid Schizophrenia. It was never meant to be a recovery experience because I just wasn't ready for it, and I definitely wasn't in a good place when I started this blog. For the past few months I've made baby steps toward my ultimate goal of obtaining a part time job, after being unemployed for over a decade. My monthly federal disability check isn't enough to live on. It seems like after the first few weeks within a month, I'm broke. Since I have my son half the time, I'm just sinking in debt. After I pay my rent and monthly car payment I'm lucky to have a couple of hundred dollars for the rest of the month. Food, gas, and the everyday cost of living is becoming such a burden. A few weeks back I visited my states occupational job office, in order to get help obtaining a part time job. However, it may take a long time before I hear from them. I've also applied online for several near bye jobs, but I haven't heard from any of them, as of yet. It's my feeling that when I fill out a job application and I'm honest about my mental health, as well as being out of work for so long, I'm probably not looked as a good candidate for any job opening. Still, I'm not giving up and I'm going to get a part time job sooner, rather than later.


The past few weeks I've been waking up early in the morning. I've been taking two to four mile walks everyday because I want to get in better shape. For the last few years I've been satisfied with sleeping my day away, when given the opportunity. Now, I'm attempting to get my life together. Of course, I know it won't be an easy road. I've attempted to change my life in the past, but gave up a number of times because life just became too much to handle. I need to move forward and stop myself from looking back to the circumstances that lead me to this place in my life. Words alone won't get this done. I need to be a man of action!


Lastly, as I stated a few times in the past. My initial reason for starting this blog was to share my story. It was also my way of asking for help. I don't have any family, and few friends. I'm not in a position financially to accomplish some of my goals. I hate asking for help from strangers because it makes me feel really bad. However, I'm not just responsible for my own well being. I have a son, who I love to death, and he is my world! I want to change my life for the better because I want to make my son proud. Still, for now I need help, and if you can please consider contributing to my GoFundMe account or Paypal.  

 




If you have it in your heart to help me, please do. However, if you can't, I totally understand. I wouldn't want anyone helping me, if they weren't financially able. God Bless!

Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk


Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email arichere@yahoo.com






If you'd like, please click the link below and visit my YouTube Channel.
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...