It's true, I haven't updated this blog in awhile. There are a number of factors as to why I've neglected this mental health journal. Firstly, I felt as though I was being negatively impacted by writing on this blog. It almost felt as though I was just rehashing the same problems over and over, with little solutions. Secondly, my internet and computer access has been very limited. The new place I call home doesn't have the best WiFi. The computer I use has already crashed with the blue screen of death multiple times, so I'm sure I need a new computer. You can't imagine how much time I spend trying to make a simple update. My computer sometimes takes a whole five minutes to load another screen. The time it takes to make a simple update is maddening sometimes. Lastly, I've been stuck in a rut of total complacency. I keep doing the same thing each day expecting some kind of change in my life's circumstances.
This blog was never meant to be anything other than a way to share my life's experiences. Write as clearly as I could what it was like living with Paranoid Schizophrenia. It was never meant to be a recovery experience because I just wasn't ready for it, and I definitely wasn't in a good place when I started this blog. For the past few months I've made baby steps toward my ultimate goal of obtaining a part time job, after being unemployed for over a decade. My monthly federal disability check isn't enough to live on. It seems like after the first few weeks within a month, I'm broke. Since I have my son half the time, I'm just sinking in debt. After I pay my rent and monthly car payment I'm lucky to have a couple of hundred dollars for the rest of the month. Food, gas, and the everyday cost of living is becoming such a burden. A few weeks back I visited my states occupational job office, in order to get help obtaining a part time job. However, it may take a long time before I hear from them. I've also applied online for several near bye jobs, but I haven't heard from any of them, as of yet. It's my feeling that when I fill out a job application and I'm honest about my mental health, as well as being out of work for so long, I'm probably not looked as a good candidate for any job opening. Still, I'm not giving up and I'm going to get a part time job sooner, rather than later.
Lastly, as I stated a few times in the past. My initial reason for starting this blog was to share my story. It was also my way of asking for help. I don't have any family, and few friends. I'm not in a position financially to accomplish some of my goals. I hate asking for help from strangers because it makes me feel really bad. However, I'm not just responsible for my own well being. I have a son, who I love to death, and he is my world! I want to change my life for the better because I want to make my son proud. Still, for now I need help, and if you can please consider contributing to my GoFundMe account or Paypal.
Link to my GoFundMe account: http://www.gofundme.com/m12hgk
Or you can send funds thru Paypal at my email email@example.com
Click here to visit my YouTube channel...